ArcaMax

It's a new year and a new dress code. Nobody cares what you wear to work. What matters now is what you don't wear. Especially when it comes to that critical area below your ankles.

Yes, I'm talking shoes. At the doors of a number of high-flying, high-tech companies workers and visitors are required to take off their shoes before entering. Think about it. You already leave your common sense and any notion of fairness at the door of your employer. Imagine facing the cold, cruel business world of 2026 in your socks.

I learned about the new, no-shoes initiative in "Welcome to the Office. Now Take Off Your Shoes," a recent Lora Kelley article in The New York Times.

"The 'no shoes' trend is spreading in tech offices," Kelley writes, "with buzzy start-ups telling employees to leave their Vans and Uggs at the door."

It isn't clear in the article whether bare feet are acceptable. (Excuse the workplace stereotype, but letting it all hang out, foot-wise, might be risky for the hygiene-challenged denizens of the IT department.)

While Louboutins are out, you can wear your stylin' Stoney the Weed slippers or a cozy pair of SnugglePup Fluffy floor socks. Either way, for Sneha Sivakumar, the chief executive of Spur, an office with a no-shoes policy "makes it feel like a second home" and "disarms you in a positive way."

"Alarms you" in a positive way is the way I would put it.

More worrying than the thought of the H.R. department putting on pink socks to issue pink slips is the idea that the no-shoes phenomena is "consistent with Silicon Valley's 996 culture, which has employees working 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. six days a week." Or so says Stanford economist Nick Bloom. "If you're at work for 12 hours," he adds, "you might as well wear your slippers in the office as you're not getting to wear them at home."

If the "take off your shoes" concept takes hold, what's next? Take off your pants? Let's peek into the workplace of 2026 and see what weirdness awaits us.

No. 1: Uniforms for Unicorns

Workplace fashion changes constantly. It wasn't that long ago that doing business demanded business suits, with ties required for men and, for women, the dreaded pussybow. Eventually, the formal workwear requirement relaxed and we entered the era of smart casual. Now your work wardrobe could be purchased at The Gap or, for more senior positions, Banana. But nothing changes faster than fashion and smart casual eventually gave way to athleisure. All of a sudden it was not only acceptable but required to come to work in head-to-toe Lululemon.

What's next? Considering a tight economy in which the family budget might be better served moving dollars spent at Vuori to dollars spent at Safeway, what if companies, in addition to issuing stock options, also issued uniforms.

All it would take would be one or two fast-rising, high-tech unicorns to start the ball rolling. Imagine groups of high-tech nerds and nerdettes reimagined as drill teams, identically dressed in corporate colors, with badges and lanyards and company logos on everything from caps to capes.

Yes, I'm talking about the Nividia Nomads and the Tesla Terminators. Super successful companies demonstrating super-spirit.

If we're talking "dress for success," this is where it's at.

No. 2: Jam-Jams Only

If this 996 mishigas takes hold and you're living at the office, six days a week, management will certainly allow you to work in your pajamas. Enlightened managers would also encourage you to bring in your favorite stuffies. No one makes a better workplace companion during those endless days at your desk than Captain Snuggles or Buttercup McPlush.

The best part? If senior management decides an employee is not working up to expectations, HR can take away Mister Wuggles until their performance improves. (The employees' performance, that is. Mister Wuggles is doing a great job.)

No. 3: Naked Monday

With the economic headwinds companies will face in 2026 tight teamwork demands that employees hide nothing from their co-workers. The best way to ensure total openness is by instituting Naked Mondays.

What better way to start your 996 workweek? Naked Monday will not only keep everyone seated at -- or under -- their desks, it will also increase togetherness. Though heating bills will definitely increase, there is a benefit hidden in the naked initiative.

If anything brings back working remotely, seeing your managers and co-workers change their business suits for their birthday suits will do it.

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Bob Goldman was an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at info@creators.com. To find out more about Bob Goldman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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