You try to enter your password on the microwave.

You haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards in a year.

You have a list of fifteen phone numbers to reach your family of three.

Continued below...

FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to ...Read More

If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck? - Linda Ellerbee

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I ...Read More

A member of the Country Club asked the lifeguard how he might go about teaching a young lady to swim.

"It takes considerable time and technique." replied the guard. "First you must take her into the water, then place one ...Read More

... continued from above

7) You discover that she has been cutting and pasting her whoopee.

6) You can barely make out your SO's face in the JPEG she sent because she's obscured by her 25 cats.

5) He claims to be the ...Read More

A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.

The barman refuses to serve him. "Why not," asks the golf club.

"You'll be driving later," replies the bartender.