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Dear Annie: I've never written an advice column before, but I honestly don't know where else to turn.

My mother is elderly, physically frail and becoming increasingly confused. Earlier this year, she developed pneumonia and was so sick she could barely function. Her longtime boyfriend, who'd spent years neglecting, stealing from and verbally -- and at times, physically -- abusing her, refused to take her to the hospital. He even prevented EMTs from entering the house because he had drugs inside. I eventually got the police involved, and she was finally taken to the hospital.

After that, she ended the relationship, but another problem quickly became clear. She was no longer able to live independently. She can barely stand or walk because of a failed back surgery. We tried moving her in with my brother's family while we figured out a long-term plan, but after she suffered another fall, it became obvious that it wasn't safe. Her evaluation determined she needed skilled nursing care.

Now she's in a care facility, and she hates being there. She's become someone I barely recognize who lashes out at everyone who loves her. She said such hateful things to my brother's family that they eventually had to step away for their own well-being.

Now her ex-boyfriend is back in her life. He takes her out for hours, then returns her to the nursing home in soiled clothing. We suspect he's using her for money, but she insists he's the only one who cares about her. Eventually, all of my siblings reached their breaking point. I was the last one still trying.

Then my sister shared a voicemail Mom had left her. The things she said about me and my siblings broke something inside me. She has accused me of kidnapping her, stealing from her, trying to have her killed and every other terrible thing you can imagine. I can no longer have a conversation with her without experiencing intense anxiety.

To make matters worse, my fiance died suddenly of a heart attack last month. When my mother learned he had died, her only response was, "One less queer in the family." That was the moment I realized I had nothing left to give.

Today I only manage her financial affairs because someone has to, but emotionally, I've had to step away. Every interaction leaves me drained for days. My own health is beginning to suffer.

I know she's elderly. I know she may not be entirely herself anymore. I know dementia and illness can change people. But where is the line between honoring a parent and protecting yourself? How do you stop feeling guilty for walking away from someone you love when staying is destroying your own health? Thank you for any perspective you can offer. -- A Son Who Doesn't Know Where Duty Ends

Dear Son: In one year, you've watched your mother lose her independence, your family crumble under the strain of caring for her and your fiance die suddenly. That's more grief than anyone knows what to do with. Even if your mother's confusion and accusations are the result of dementia or another illness, it doesn't make the words hurt any less.

You're already doing what your mother needs most by making sure she's safe and her affairs are being managed. You don't have to sacrifice your own physical and emotional health to prove your love. Sometimes the best thing to do is help how you can and accept that you can't meet every need.

As for her ex-boyfriend, if you believe he's exploiting or abusing her, share your concerns with the nursing home's staff. They may be able to monitor the situation or limit his access if her safety is at risk.

Allow yourself to grieve both the fiance you lost and the mother you've lost in so many ways. It's easy to lose sight of, but caring for someone shouldn't come at the cost of losing yourself.

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"Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness" is out now! Annie Lane's third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged -- because forgiveness isn't for them. It's for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.