ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a person of a certain age. I enjoy the company of other people, but I move quite slowly. I gladly receive guests for afternoon tea, as my housekeeper is amenable to serving.

Occasionally I wish to entertain a small group at a fine restaurant for the evening. Since I am making the invitation, I require nothing from my guests beyond a pleasant thank-you note.

Unfortunately, the younger guests in the group frequently ask, "How much is my share of the bill?" I don't quite know how to respond, and it makes for a somewhat awkward moment.

I always make arrangements for the cost of the meal and a generous gratuity to be paid when I make the reservation. How do I phrase, "Please be my guest at dinner" without invoking the unpleasant, "My treat"?

GENTLE READER: You can only say in the aftermath, "Please. I invited you" -- with the emphasis on the "I" and the "you."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife is what I call a "party eraser." For example, we hosted a birthday party for one of our grown children, and the minute the first person was done eating, my wife began doing the dishes.

She'll clear the first finished plate and put it in the dishwasher, then start washing pans and doing whatever she can to "erase" the party.

In my world, the dirty plates should be cleared, but the actual washing of the dishes waits until everyone is finished. That way, everyone can help get things done.

Can you help me with a polite way to handle this?

GENTLE READER: You might tell her, before the next party, "But dear, how will we indicate that we want everyone to leave if we start cleaning up so soon? Let's wait until they are in danger of overstaying their welcome. Then it can be our signal to start shuffling them out."

Or you can float your "everyone can help" idea. But Miss Manners fears this might be the reason the poor lady is trying to get a head start -- to prevent everyone from crowding her kitchen and breaking her china.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I reconnected with an old friend, and I thought we were developing a strong bond. But earlier this year, I called her and never received a call back. I also left a note in her mailbox, but still no call.

Then, about three months later, she called and said she had been very preoccupied with her son's aging dog and the fleas he infested her house with.

So we finally had lunch and had a pleasant time. After about two weeks, I again called her and she didn't call back for months. I decided not to call her again because of her behavior.

Now I'm starting to regret my decision to end the friendship. It's been five months.

GENTLE READER: Calling in order to maintain a strong bond is not high on this friend's list. Perhaps she is a texter. Or a letter writer. But if you would like to resurrect the friendship and find out, Miss Manners suggests you ask before getting duped again.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN