Lori Borgman: You won't sleep after you read this

Lori Borgman, Tribune News Service on Sep 23, 2025

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My husband is one of those people who can sleep anywhere, anytime.

He can sleep sprawled halfway on and halfway off the sofa, in a straight-back chair, with three grands crawling all over him styling his hair, and during cross-country flights with severe turbulence.

It’s a gift. The man is so gifted he can even fall asleep while I’m talking to him.

I do not have the gift of sleep.

The dark circles under my eyes are green with envy.

Now, I am more sleepless than ever after reading about a study from China linking “sleep irregularity” to an increased risk of 172 diseases.

Yes, I did read it right before crawling into bed.

After tossing and turning and pummeling my pillow, I was finally drifting off when I heard a toilet flush and remembered that kidney disease and urinary incontinence are linked to poor sleep. Maybe I should get up and drink some water. Of course, if I did that, I could be getting up again a few hours later.

I put kidney disease and incontinence out of my mind, which meant I had 170 more poor sleep-related diseases to go.

I threw the covers over to his side, was semi-comfortable again and heard my left knee pop. It’s a Rice Krispy knee that often snaps, crackles and pops.

Poor sleep is also linked to bone fractures. Maybe I just fractured my knee. Is that possible? Just when I convinced myself I didn’t have a fractured knee and was feeling drowsy, all the diseases linked to poor sleep began racing through my head like a thoroughbred at the Preakness . . . gangrene, fibrosis, cirrhosis of the liver . . .

I was now on a runaway train destined for insomnia . . . respiratory failure, heart disease, obesity, diabetes mellitus.

If only visions of sugar plums would dance in my head.

I may not have the gift of sleep, but I have the gift of waking up. I can tell myself what time to wake up, and I do. I’ve been able to do this my entire adult life.

The next time you can’t sleep, try thinking about what time you want to wake up. I can tell you from first-hand experience, it works.